Clearing the Clutter

So here I am, sitting on my couch in my apartment blogging, when I should be packing. Why? Well, there's a few reasons. Number One: I hate packing. Number 2: Almost nothing is where it usually belongs...making me hate packing even more.

You see, not only am I packing for a trip, but I also am in the middle of a move. Not a drastic one..just moving down the hallway. Due to many various reasons, this move has been up in the air for about 2 months. So, for two months, I have held off putting up pictures, etc on the walls, which has made my apartment seem not quite like "home" yet. Not a big deal. However, I had thought I was finally really moving the beginning of this week. My friend who's been living in the apartment I'm moving into, has moved most of her things out of it, so I have moved some things in. Since we were expecting her furniture to be moved out, I had taken all my drawers out of my dressers, books off my bookshelves, etc expecting to move first, get reorganized, and then pack for the trip.

Which brings me to what my apartment looks like right now...at least 6 drawers laying across my bedroom, bags filled with books and various other things everywhere...and add to that that I have walked down the hall at least 10 times in the last 2 days to retrieve things I've ended up needing during the week and will need for the trip.

Clutter. I hate clutter. I am not OCD about it, but I have definitely noticed that when my personal space is cluttered it makes everything seem out of sync. To me "a place for everything and everything in its place" is a great motto. From personal experience, I've also noticed the the smaller my space, the greater extremes I go to to live by this motto. I've come to the conclusion that this is because when the clutter is staring you in the face, it's much harder to ignore than if it's in the other room and you have the option of avoiding looking at it.

For a while now I have been spending a lot of time trying to "clear the clutter" in my spiritual life. While I already had quite a few personal convictions that few people that I know even share, I realized there were still other areas I needed to examine and make decisions regarding..some of which are areas which had never even crossed my mind as needing to be examined. Sometimes you're not even sure where the clutter comes from, but whatever it is, when you realize it's there, it needs to be taken care of right away.

1 Corinthians 13:12 says:

"For now we see through a glass, darkly.."

During this time of "decluttering" I have been asking God to help me see myself more clearly, the way He sees me. To help me understand how things gets cluttered in the first place. Who hasn't had busy moments in life, not able to get everything put up in a timely fashion, and all of a sudden looked around their house and thought, "Wow, when did this happen?!"

One's spiritual life can be the same. One way I have greatly tried to "declutter" is by cutting out a large amount of Hollywood media from my life. It's been quite a while ago when I upped the quality of what I would allow myself to watch (I haven't been perfect in this area, but have came a long ways.) However, now, I'm limiting in general the amount as well. I am instead replacing it with reading mostly non-fiction books by Christian authors...and I am learning a lot.

I also felt clutter from working a secular job and going to a secular college and having little time for ministry (or hardly for sleep at that!) So I have chosen a job for now, and will be making plans for in the future, in which I am able to be working a lot in ministry. This is my heartbeat. God made me this way. Now when my life feels cluttered, I at least know it's for the right reasons.

I Kings 19:11-12 says:

"And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake:

12And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

When I read this chapter recently a lot of new things stood out to me, some of which I may blog about later, however one I will mention now.

Many times I've heard ministers talk about these verses saying, "Be sure to listen for God's voice..You need to be silent/ focused to hear it. It's not always loud and obvious." And I understand this and agree. But I also think that the winds, and the rocks breaking, and the earthquaking, and the fire can symbolize something often overlooked.

I believe sometimes, when really great things or really bad things happen in our lives, we assume that God's hand is in it and we're too busy staring at the issue and coming to our own conclusions to listen to God's voice..still & small. In other words: I think we as Christians still sometimes let superstition sneak into our judgment/ decision making. Bad things happen to good people. And good things happen to bad people. God allows both and He has his reasons, but we must not make our decisions simply based on the force & direction of the wind or the heat of the fire.

While decluttering I am also asking God to help me to remember this. I don't want clutter to crowd my decision making. I want to always wait for and listen to His voice, no matter what the weather or circumstance. No matter what doors are closed or open. No matter what.

Friends, acquaintances, strangers:
I encourage you to look around your "room" and see what clutter you find there. Where did it come from? Now that you see it, what are you going to do about it? "A place for everything and everything in its place." If you don't know what to do with it, ask God, He knows...He may speak softly, but, if you wait, He WILL speak.

Runner, Run On!

This blog is simply notes from a message one of my teachers spoke on when I attended IBC. Lately I have been starting to go through my old textbook and class notes and am using them some to study for the Bible class I teach at TCA. I also recently came across all the sermon notes I’d kept and have been reading through them some in my devotional time. (When attending there I attended 3 services a week & 2 chapels (heard 2 messages, usually by students in each chapel)…you can just imagine how many notes I have!)

I am very much enjoying reading through them though…it’s like having a collection of devotionals written mostly by people I know. :o) Anyway, the following is something Bro. Brown spoke on in chapel in November of ’01. I found it very encouraging and really like the approach he took. This is straight out of my notes; nothing changed or edited…just thought I’d share some food for thought.



1 Cor. 9:24

People often begin something but never see it to completion—making up an excuse to justify their failure.

Get in the race & run!!!

Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to just begin a race.
---Every race has a starting point.

Acts 9:5 – This is where Paul’s race began.

The race is not easy.
You will get tired, weary, & uneasy.

Sometimes training for a race is long, difficult, & inconvenient.

Training takes time, “eating” only certain things.

Athletes spend tons of time training for a one time event.
The training is actually part of the race.---We need to be prepared.

A runner needs to be careful not to carry excess weight.
We must have the right equipment & none of what we don’t need.
---Does a runner wear a weight?

II Timothy 2:15

Training is necessary.

Your heart must be set for the long haul.

Many times the person who wins the race is the one that just keeps putting one foot in front of the other.

(Poem “Don’t You Quit”)

Every Christian is Involved in 2 Races: 1) The Race for Salvation
2) The Race of Your Ministry

Don’t base your calling on other people’s responses to your calling!

Persistence is the key to ministry.

I Want to Love God More

Last night I had "dorm duty" also known as "relief" here at TCM. To inquiring minds that have no idea what that is: dorm duty is basically where staff who are not houseparents (houseparents being the people who live with the kids on a full time basis) relieve the houseparents by filling in for them on their days off. "Dorm duty" is split up into various shifts and we are assigned so many shifts a month. Right now we all are doing quite a few, due to being short houseparents for one dorm. Hopefully God will take care of that problem in the near future. :o)

So, basically, anyone over a dorm plays the role of parent to that dorm for whatever time period they are there..from making sure the kids are taken care of and not doing things they shouldn't do, to making sure their chores are done, they are fed,have taken their meds if needed,all laundry is done, and that everything is clean and in perfect shape for when the next shift arrives. Most dorms have 8-10 kids. So..that's what I've been doing the last 2 Saturday evenings and will be doing the next one.

The dorm I had last night was mostly Sr. High school age girls and an 8 year old. When it came time for bed for the 8 year old, I helped her get ready, tucked her in,turned the lamp on, said her prayer with her, told her good night, and closed the door halfway after turning the light out.

About 30 minutes later I came back by. She was lying in bed sobbing. I asked her what was wrong. Her reply: "I want my Momma." She continued to sob and say this. Luckily, I was actually on top of things at that moment. Most all of the house cleaning was done and the older girls were watching a movie I had brought (Little Women), so I was able to stay with her for a while. When I came in she was sitting up, so I tucked her back in, put my arm around her and laid there while she continued to cry and say that she wanted her mom. I had no idea what to do to console this little girl.

When you're babysitting you can always say, "she'll be home soon!" or "let's call her!" I know very little about this little girl, but I'm pretty sure her mom is not dead; however, apparently, though, her bad decisions had led to her little girl's tears that night.

Not knowing what else to do, I prayed over her and began singing to her. I didn't know what to sing...nothing seemed to come to mind. Finally I began, "I love you Lord and I lift my voice, to worship you Oh my soul, rejoice. Take joy my king, in what you hear, let it be a sweet sweet sound in your ear." Not exactly a kid's song, but I always feel peace when I sing it. After a while her body stopped shaking from her sobbing and she drifted off to sleep.

I sat there for a few minutes, not wanting to risk waking her up, thinking about how this little innocent girl didn't deserve this. Most people have experienced nights crying themselves to sleep; however, no one deserves them. Especially children.

My pastor preached once about getting out of God's order, (I think I may have mentioned this in a previous blog?)and how when that happens it causes chaos. When whatever decisions were made, that ended with this little girl crying herself to sleep, I'm sure a picture of this little girl crying herself to sleep did not pop into that parent's mind. Whether it was an illicit drug taken, the choice to live with an abusive boyfriend, hitting or verbally abusing a child, etc. The person who made that decision most likely did not think "this is what's going to happen and I don't care." They lived in the moment; not considering what that meant for the future. A future that belonged to not just them, but their children as well.

Today Bro. Judd preached on "Loving God More". Do you love God more than anything and anyone? If you do than you should never have to worry about getting out of God's order, it's when this answer becomes compromised that trouble results. I personally have a calling on my life that I know involves living away from my family. Sometimes accepting and embracing this is not an easy thing. However, God's word tells me:

And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them, If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple. ~Luke 14:25-27

And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life. ~Matthew 19:29

When God's word speaks; we have to accept. It can't be sugar coated or made to fit our own agenda.

Back to the dorm...
When I became convinced that the little girl I was watching was sound asleep, I slowly got up, hoping not to wake her; however, she did wake up. I was then worried she was going to bust out crying again. Instead, she asked me for a hug and told me goodnight. Peace is precious. Especially when it's from God.

So, you may be wondering, what does this little girl have to do with loving God more? Well, most of the kids that come to the mansion are somehow connected to Pentecost. Either their parents are or were Pentecostal at one time or a grandparent or close relative usually is. That's typically how people find out about The Mansion. Therefore, there's a very good chance this little girl's Mom has known God, but has chosen to serve something or someone else instead, not only putting it ahead of God, but her daughter as well.

So, who or what do you love more? Is God at the top of your list? Above careers. Above people? Above your personal plans and desires? Above people's plans and desires for you? Above money? Above yourself?

We sang the song below at church today. It's one of my favorites. On this Valentine's Day, this is my desire. I want to "Love God More" and draw closer and closer to Him everyday.

The More I Seek You

Sit Still

Something that I found quite humorous occurred in one of my classes today. While teaching (actually, at this time reading) in my Biology class about mammals, a new student raised his hand, said, "I know this is random but..." and asked his question. His question was about tornadoes, not animals. One of the posters on the classroom wall has a chart about where tornadoes tend to occur and at what time of year they are most likely to occur. Apparently, he was busy staring at this poster, almost too far away for him to even be able to read, while I was reading about mammals.

Some days this might annoy me. This particular day I decided to let it slide and let conversation ensue for a few minutes, mainly because I found it so amusing. You see, this student asked this question with fear in his eyes. This Senior, who is from near a very large city in the northeast, from my understanding was mixed up in the gang world. I'm pretty sure we are pretty much temporarily doubling as his "protection agency". This "gangster"...is scared of tornadoes.

His question was if they get tornadoes in Tupelo. The other students, of course, were quick to reply, in almost a bragging sense, that they do. They went on to tell random stories of buildings blown away, people killed, etc...the more they talked the more his eyes widened. It was all I could do not to start laughing. Here, the new "cool guy" on campus (per some of the students already starting to try to look like him in fashion sense, etc) was starting to freak out because he doesn't want to die in a tornado. No doubt, he has probably seen many bullets fly, but a tornado? God forbid.

I quickly assured him that everyone he had met who lived there had probably survived a tornado, if they'd lived there at least a year, so he had nothing to worry about. He, of course, referred to the one local death one of the kids had mentioned (not even sure it was true) and said, "Yes, but I don't want to be the one that dies!" I once again told him he had nothing to worry about, and quickly steered the class back on course.

It made me wonder though...how often are we like this? God brings us through one crisis after another (not sure about this? if you're still here, he's brought or is bringing you through) and yet we find ourselves worrying about every little thing. Worrying about it until it becomes way bigger than it is. And forgetting that even if it were truly a mountain, God could move it.

Recently I was reading a book that Sis. Joy Haney wrote. She spoke of how one time her and her husband were going through a very rough time in their lives and that God spoke to her one day that she must remember that, no matter the situation "God is in charge!" Ruth 3:18 also came to her mind: "Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall".

Don't dream up worse case scenarios. Don't throw in the towel before the last round. Remember: You have God on your side. Your job is to have faith and let Him work. Hear that? Let HIM work. Don't strategize, manipulate, or try to speed up the process. Trust. Have Faith. Live a Godly life, day in and day out.

God spoke to me last year through a very sweet and godly lady that I have desires and dreams and that God has even greater ones for me. I've came a very long way in the last few years at embracing some of the desires and dreams it appears God has for me, but I still believe even now that they are even greater than I can imagine. And I'm holding Him to it. Because that's exactly what He wants me to do.

I've seen what He's done in the past. And that gives me hope for what He will do in the future. My God has never failed. And He never will.

God Loves People

*Singing*

God Loves People./ Any Shape. Any Color. Any Size./ You Don't Have to Be an Angel. To Be Really Special in His Eyes./ Well He Said it in John 3:16. And He Proved it on Calvary too./ God Loves People. Ordinary People. People Like Me & You....God Loves People. Ordinary People./ He Even Likes Me & You.

Perhaps you too grew up singing this song; or perhaps you have never heard it in your life. I used to sing it Sunday School; but haven't thought of it in years...until it just popped into my head tonight. You see, I have felt to blog about the recent experiences in my life now for a while, but my thoughts have been swirling in so many directions, I haven't been able to anchor them down yet to start typing. They're still swirling and there's much I have to share, but for now, I want to leave you with this:

God LOVES People.
Christian means Christlike.
As Christians we too must love people.

Not just our favorites. Not just those who flatter us. Or those who we think we can benefit from. Or those who we find pleasurable being around.

People. All people. Those we have things in common with. Those we have nothing in common with. Those who make us feel good. Those who annoy the fire out of us. Those who mean what they say. And those who don't. Those who exemplify Christ toward you. And those who don't.

Over the last month I have met MANY people. Here at TCMM, between the off-campus students, resident kids, staff kids and all the staff, I've probably met over 150 people. And not just met them, but am trying to learn their names, where they're originally from, who they are related to (when applicable), their interests, desires & goals, dislikes, etc.

I have also visited Memphis, a church about an hour from here, and a local church.

People. Lots and lots of people. From befriending a very sweet & classy evangelist's wife in Memphis to meeting a paraplegic lady in MS, who once taught in my home town in AR, to meeting a very simple, but very sweet couple, while leaving the church I visited tonight.

People. God loves them ALL.

Recently I heard someone refer to the school where I am teaching as a "glorified reform school". (The person's child attends there; this statement was made in an objective, not a belittling, manner). Most of my students come from troubled backgrounds; particularly the resident students (aka: Mansion Kids). Some of the off-campus students have been kicked out of other schools and some of the off-campus kids are angels. It makes for an interesting & challenging situation.

So what do I do? Well, I've prayed a lot about it; that's for sure. The answer? Love. Love them authentically and equally. Easy? No. Absolutely necessary? Yes.

And you know what? I believe they know.

It's not just kids that can read people. Everyone can. People have an innate ability of knowing whether you're real or fake. Of knowing whether the love your showing is real & from God or whether it's manufactured.

Love people.

How you might ask?
Love God first.
If He's truly first and foremost in your life, loving people, no matter how unlovable they may seem, will seem like less of a challenge and more of a privilege.

This morning Pastor Judd asked a question that I think is good for everyone to ask themselves:
"Has there ever been a time that you were more in love with God than you are now?" If the answer is yes, perhaps you should start with falling back in love with God.

My friend, we are indeed so blessed, because it's true:
God Loves People. Ordinary People. He Even Likes Me & You.