The Gift of a Birthday

"And she vowed a vow, and said, O Lord of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the Lord all the days of his life... ~1 Samuel 1:11"

Birthdays are special things. First of all they are our own personal holiday and (here's the best part...) EVERYONE gets one! How cool is that?!!! Plus, they are a reminder that God has let you live one more year. If you're someone who has had multiple near death experiences like myself, this in itself is great cause to celebrate!

Until yesterday I hadn't realized that this is my first birthday to be home in four years! (That's five birthdays.) So, today I am simply thankful to be spending this day with the two individuals who brought me into this world. 

Many of you who read this blog I have never had the chance to meet, nor have I ever even visited the country in which you live. Some of you are old friends and may have already heard this story.  Today I would like to share with each of you a story I heard for the first time just a couple of years ago..a story that's very special to me, because it is the story of how I came to have a birthday.

Many years ago my Mom was a stay at home mom who also kept the books for my Dad's construction business, so, basically, she worked two jobs. On top of that her and my Dad were also very involved in various ministries within the church they attend. Having two sons of elementary school age, free time was very limited.  Therefore, my Mom squeezed in prayer time wherever she could...even while washing dishes.

One day, while washing dishes and praying, she reminded God that in His Word He promised that if we would seek first His kingdom that He would give us the desires of our heart. She then prayed, "God...I want a little girl."  Our pastor's wife had taught her to pray specifically, so she did, stating both inner and outer characteristics she wanted her daughter to have. Like Hannah, she concluded her prayer telling God that if He would give her the desire of her heart that she would give the child back to Him.

Now, many years later, I am glad to say that God did. And she did.

God didn't just give her a daughter, but he gave her a daughter with every single characteristic she had prayed for. Alas, my list would have probably looked a little different than hers...but I digress. 

Some of you out there today are praying for something and you have prayed about it for a very long time. Perhaps it is a child. If you are seeking God's kingdom first, I encourage you, keep praying. If you aren't, stop, get your priorities straight (aka: make sure God's first place in your life), then if you still feel like it aligns with God's will, pray on! Sometimes the answer may not look exactly like what you think, but that's ok, because sometimes it's better.

So, today I am thankful simply to have breath and to be able to be with the two individuals who brought me into this world. I am, however, even more thankful that the One who created and gave me life is with me everyday and everywhere I go.  When my Mom prayed God heard and He answered. When I pray He hears and He answers. And He will do the same for you.

"For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him: therefore also I have lent him to the Lord; as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the Lord..." ~1 Samuel 1:27-28

Before You Were, God Had a Plan.

Then the word of the LORD came unto me, saying,Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. ~Jeremiah 1:4-5

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.~Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)

And now, saith the LORD that formed me from the womb to be his servant, to bring Jacob again to him, Though Israel be not gathered, yet shall I be glorious in the eyes of the LORD, and my God shall be my strength. ~Isaiah 49:5

One of the kids here at The Mansion had the privilege of going to Chili this summer on an Apostolic Youth Corp trip. Every year the General Youth Division sponsors a child from here to go; this year she was the lucky one. I've been in charge of watching her dorm a lot lately, which has provided ample opportunity for her to ask the many questions she has had for me regarding her desire for future involvement in missions. I've came to the conclusion that if this were the only reason God brought me to TCM, to speak encouragement, advice, and direction into this young lady's life, that in itself would have made it all worthwhile.

Today, while looking through her pictures from the trip, my mind took a trip down memory lane...I received my calling to the mission field at the age of 16, and God dealt with me specifically about Europe when I was 21, but my first mission trip, when I was 17, was when I decided that every decision I made there after needed to be in alignment with and in preparation for what God was calling me to do. It wasn't a trip to Europe, but to Trinidad, a country not too extremely different culturally nor geographically from the one this girl I've been mentoring went on, but very different from the place God would later deal with me about.

In this blog, I usually try to steer clear of sharing things God has spoken to me specifically, but, I believe what I am about to share may be important for someone to hear, therefore, I am going to be a bit more transparent than I am normally comfortable with.

Recently God spoke a word of prophesy to me during a service that "There was something I've known possibly my whole life, and that God didn't want me to question it anymore." I knew immediately that it was talking about the calling God has placed on my life. I believe anyone with a calling involving leaving everyone and everything you love and are familiar with is going to question it at least a little. They're going to make sure they have understood 100% correctly. Why else leave it all unless God has truly spoken?!

So, I embraced the point of the message and determined to obey it, but the part that lingered with me was the "knowing it my whole life"...Had I? Was this possible? In my finite mind the "calling" happened at 16. In my finite mind.

A few weeks later, I realized that, while that was when I submitted to God's will, His will, the specific path He had desired for me to walk down, had been in His plans...my whole life. I realized this during a message at Louisiana campmeeting, that Bro. Graham preached. He talked about how when Jesus called Phillip, He was already thinking of Nathaniel: "Nathanael saith unto him, Whence knowest thou me? Jesus answered and said unto him, Before that Philip called thee, when thou wast under the fig tree, I saw thee." ~John 1:48 In Bro. Graham's message he was making the point that, from the time we are born, God has a specific destiny for us...Who was God thinking about when you were born? At the end of the message he asked a few questions...the first one: "What country were you born for?!"

When he spoke those words, it was like, for the first time ever, my entire existence, every year of Bible quizzing, every year of Bible school, exchange students whom I would always "just click with" during high school and college, my first memory of a church service being that of a missionary to China speaking...It just ALL made sense. In one simple sentence,a man who, coincidently(?) had chaperoned that first mission trip I attended, had explained it all.

I don't believe God all of a sudden decides "Ok, this is what I've decided..this is what I want you to do...", but, rather, from the time you are born, the process has already began; it's simply a matter of, when He speaks and lets you in on the plan, if you choose to obey.

In conclusion, I would like to share The Message's version of Psalm 139:13-16...which I have already shared in the NIV:

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

God of the Detour

So here I am. Arrived at TCMM on Saturday and I have already almost finished getting settled into my apartment, met somewhere close to a hundred people, all of whose names I’m trying to quickly memorize, and started teaching 5 different subjects for my first time ever.

I am really excited about a class I didn’t realize I would be teaching and that’s the Bible class for the Junior High students which has about 30 students in it. Not only that, but I get to create my own curriculum (in other words teach whatever I feel to teach). What an awesome opportunity! I had brought tons of my notes and books from my Bible school years, because I was wanting to do a lot more studying this year in my free time, however now I’m reeeally thankful I decided to bring them, because I sure know I’m going to need them!

The other classes I’m teaching are English I, Health (twice), Biology, & Basic Math. Yeah for English & Health! As for Biology & Math..I shall survive. :o)

Being the new girl at TCMM is quite interesting. Before classes started I had lots of the kids ask me random things like, “Are you my new Science teacher?!” or state, “My name’s _____ & you’re my new English teacher!” And then there are the ones who have asked if I’ve started college yet, since a lot of them think I'm about 19. Some of the staff have shared with me random comments the residents have made regarding their first impressions of me. Amusing stuff. :o)

My first day of classes went waaay smoother than I had expected. The plan had been for someone to assist me a few days, but that didn’t end up happening. I’m glad though. Think they would have made me more nervous than the kids!

A few things I can say about the people here so far: I have never been around so many people that truly have a servant’s heart. Any help I have needed, not only has someone been more than willing to assist me, but they often offered before I’ve had a chance to even ask. Also, everyone has been very welcoming, to the extent that I can totally understand how this would be a great place of healing for a hurting child. I have felt very welcomed from the second I arrived here.

I know the future will hold many challenges. As I already knew, all my students are not little angels. A few in particular, who I’ve already figured out from just the first day, are going to be extreme challenges. And I also know that working, eating with, going to church with, and living in such close vicinity with around 50 of the same people (staff) and approximately 50 resident kids will be an interesting experience in itself. But I am going to learn. I am going to learn a lot, no doubt, and grow in ways I didn’t know I could, or perhaps even knew I needed to grow.

Yesterday I met one of the youngest resident girls and, within 5 minutes after meeting me, she had sneaked up behind me to hug me. My heart melted. That's what it's all about. These kids need to know that they can love and are lovable.

Sometimes detours happen in life. I used to get lost and get frustrated. Now when I get lost, if I’m not on a tight schedule, I don’t sweat it. It is at times like this that I have had the most awesome experiences. Of all the places I have lived, short term or long term, it is during times of being lost, or rather “detoured” that I made the most beautiful discoveries. In Indianapolis & St. Louis I discovered beautiful, “I thought these only existed in movies”, neighborhoods. In Holland I discovered a beautiful marina. In Estonia, the best place to see the prettiest view of the city. In Lithuania…a whole lot of awesome things (I got lost really bad one day. lol).

My point is, sometimes in life you may feel like you know or even you may know for sure where you are supposed to be headed. However, if God steers you a different direction for a bit, don’t sweat it. He has His reasons and I assure you they are good. Eventually it will all make sense. For me, being at TCMM is somewhat of a “detour” but also a fulfillment of a long forgotten childhood dream.

Apparently God remembered what I had forgotten. Imagine that. He is indeed a God of the details. And even if you’re a perfectionist I assure you that He “dots his Is and crosses his Ts” much more than you do. Your creator knows exactly what you need and at what time you need it. If He decides to take you on a detour for a short while, don’t explode in frustration. Look around; enjoy the scenery. Learn from it. I feel confident that if you look closely you just might find beauty in a place you never imagined it could exist.

A Godly Heritage

When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also. - II Timothy 1:5

Last night as I was sitting on my pew at church, listening to my parents sing one of the hundreds of songs my dad has written, I lost it. Literally lost it. The tears began to flow nonstop. The emotions I was feeling were a mixture of earthly and heavenly. A pinch of pain, quickly engulfed by the peace & love of God. And thankfulness. Lots of thankfulness.

I have listened to my parents sing more times then I can count. I have probably listened to them sing the same song they sung that night more times than I can count. So what, you may be wondering, made the difference this particular night? The song they were singing was about God turning the tables around. The chorus goes "When it's God's time He'll turn the tables around. When it's God's time He'll turn them upside down. There's no power can prevail, none on earth, nor in hell. When it's God's time He'll turn the tables around."

The reason I "lost it" so to speak is because I know my parents. I know what they face day in and day out. I also see day in and day out their Godly character and faith in God shine through, no matter what the circumstances may be.

What began as one of the best years of my life turned into one of the worst years. It has also been one of the worst years for my family as a whole. However, I am thankful to have such a Godly heritage...parents that truly believe, and are an example of Job when he said, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."

My mom was raised up 3rd generation Pentecostal, her grandfather having helped build the church with his own hands in the tiny town where she grew up. My dad was 1st generation; his family came to truth when he was a teenager. His step-father being healed of cancer at a local tent revival brought the whole family to truth.

Many years later,after my parents had been married for a short while, my mom who had always been raised in church, but never received the Holy Ghost or been baptized, did so during a 3 week revival that took place despite a snow storm. My dad had been quite involved in singing for the country music industry up until then. At this time he also recommitted his life to God, leaving the industry behind.

This was all many years before I was born. All my life I have known that, if I walk down the stairs around 6 in the morning, I will either see my dad praying or reading his Bible. If I'm still home an hour after my mom has woke up, I will no doubt hear sounds of praying coming from their bedroom....A Godly Heritage.

As a little child one of my strongest memories is visiting nursing homes, going door to door inviting kids to Sunday school, and playing outside during Women's prayer...

Every other Saturday: 3 different nursing homes. I loved it! They loved my squeaky voice. And, of course, always wanted me to sing. I remember us all laying hands on many of them in prayer.

Door to Door Visitation: Dressing up in cartoon characters costumes and having random kids bring carrots on Sunday to my dad..who had been dressed up like Bugs Bunny.

Women's Prayer: Every week coming in after playing outside with other church lady's kids to see a group of consecrated women standing in a circle, hands joined, praying....for the lost child of the lady who stood next to them, or for the sick mother of the other lady, or for the one whose finances were in crisis....Sometimes I would walk in and a tongues interpretation would be going forth...
A Godly Heritage.

After moving to Arkansas, when I was 10, I have also learned many other things due to my parents. Through my participation in Bible quizzing for 9 years I have learned what commitment, discipline, support, and teamwork really mean. My mom was assistant coach, in charge of fundraisers, the person I quoted my verses to daily, and, of course, at all my tournaments. My dad also found a way to be at all the important ones as well...A Godly Heritage.

As I've grown older, my parents have been a huge source of support to me in regard to my calling and all the preparation I have felt necessary to go through because of it. They are, indeed, my greatest cheerleaders and most dependable prayer warriors. Most of all, they are my greatest example of faith. Pure and Simple Faith. If through the years I have managed to glean half of their Godly spirit and attitude, I consider myself very blessed.

A Godly Heritage. If you are blessed enough to have this, count your blessings and please, whatever you do, don't let it go to waste. Pass it on yourself. It doesn't have to just be passed to your physical children; those who are babes in Christ need Godly examples as well.

If you haven't been blessed with a Godly Heritage, it's never too late to find a mentor and glean from them all you can. But when you do, whatever you do, don't let it stop at you....A Godly Heritage. Pass it on.

Lessons from God..via General Conference

General Conference was awesome this year! I was privileged to experience a great time of fellowship with many awesome new and old friends. Also, the services were amazing...the Home Missions service blew me away. I don't believe a single person could have sat through that service and not have walked away with a stronger burden and having felt more greatly encouraged about reaching the lost.

Over the years, especially more recently, God has used various men and women of God to speak a word to me, and often this has occurred at this conference. However,this year was different. This year He chose to speak to me in some different ways..and I am in awe of how much peace I feel at this moment. It's true, if His eye is on the sparrow, how much more is He paying attention to what's going on in the lives of His children?

Lesson #1 - Men Can't Close Doors on God

I won't go into personal details as to how God taught me this particular lesson, but I learned that:
Sometimes God closes a door..and sometimes man closes a door. It can be very hard to tell who really has closed a door, but one thing is for sure: If man closed it, there's always another door. Always. No matter how the situation may look. The hardest part is determining whether God or man has closed it, and sometimes this answer only comes through prayer and time...but it will always come.

Lesson #2 - God Cares About the Small Stuff...the Really Small Stuff

One night, the booths where missionaries, the publishing house, etc. sell items had closed and I had walked with friends a ways a way from that area and was standing around chatting with them, when I realized I had left my coat somewhere..I thought of how I had laid it down on a couch in the Foreign Missions area before being in a photo and decided that was where I should check first. So, I ran back as quickly as my aching feet in my heels could carry me, begged the security to let me back in..and lucky for me, my coat was still there. I quickly threw it on and took off to meet up with friends that were waiting for me.

After meeting with them we stood around a few minutes deciding where to go eat with people and took a cab to a restaurant not too far of a walking distance away, but too far for girls who had been in heels for days. :o) Upon arriving at the restaurant, which was on a downtown street corner, my friend and I quickly grabbed 2 of the seats available outside and didn't leave our spots, even though we were freezing, for a good 30 minutes.

After sitting there that long, I got up, don't even remember why, and a bag full of cds bought from the booth area fell out of my lap. I hadn't bought any cds. I asked my friend if they were hers. No. Our other close friend. No. By this point I was starting to ask everyone in the group, even those I had just met.."Did you hand this to me?!!"

Eventually I found myself standing on the edge of the corner, talking to a new friend, who by this point had the cds out and was looking through them out of sheer curiosity as to what they were. Meanwhile, I'm standing there feeling like a thief and not even knowing how I got the things, let alone who to return them to.

About that time a friend of mine runs up, yells something at the guy I'm talking to (she was just acting goofy, trying to embarrass him), sees the cds and yells out to another girl I know, who I hadn't even seen walk up. "She has your cds!"

Apparently a friend who had been in that picture with me at the booths had left her cds by my coat, and I had picked them up, and not noticed until an hour later when her and our other mutual friend walked by that random street corner, where I had just discovered I had the cds, about 5 minutes before. The friend had just prayed with her that they would find the cds, because she was so distraught about losing them.

God really does cares...even about the small stuff.

Lesson #3 - Never Lose Your Zeal for God and the Things of God!

During the Holy Ghost Crusade I was privileged to help with registering the people that received the Holy Ghost. Basically this means that I sat on the platform behind a booth and people who had just received the Holy Ghost were sent to the booths to fill out a form, giving their information, such as their address, whether they had been baptized, etc...the very last line was an "interested in" line, where one would mark the areas of ministry within a church in which they would like to be involved.

Well, an 82 year old women received the Holy Ghost and was sent to me...a couple of people assisted her. She had a cane, and they pulled a chair up behind her so she could sit down as she wrote. I heard a lady in her 80s received the Holy Ghost that had sought it for over 30 years, I'm not sure if it was her, but "have a feeling that it was...anyway, as she was filling out the form, she got to the have you been baptized?" part, and checked yes....next was the "interested in" part...The whole time I was watching her I was curious what she would check when she got to this part. There were 7 or so options listed..among them: music ministry, Childrens ministry, Bible studies, Sports, etc...

As I sat there I watched her pause for a moment reading them..then, fully focused on the task at hand, she checked every single one of them...except sports. :O) Then she paused a moment again, looking it over, slid it back over to me, and,though she was missing every other tooth, the huge smile she gave me was one of the prettiest I have ever seen. :o)

If she had that much zeal, how much more zealous should we be about God and working for His kingdom?!


Yes, General Conference was a time of great fun, fellowship, and blessing this year..but it was also a great classroom for me and for that I am very thankful.

God's Amazing Ways

The other day, during a slow time at work, my coworker and I were googling and yahooing(?)(lol) our names out of boredom. Well, that, and I've also been told that prospect employers may do this, so it's good to know what info/ pics are out there of you. While doing this, I stumbled across one of the neatest "God moments" that I've ever had. A girl I am now blessed to call friend, but had never met yet, had written an article for the apostolic website: ninetyandnine.com.

It was basically on hearing God say "wait" and about her desire to return to the missions field. I wrote a letter in reply, thanking her for the article, saying how I could relate, and said, "Who knows, maybe one day we'll run into each other overseas!"...little did I know that within 5 months we would be roommates in Estonia on a mission trip together..having never even spoken to each other besides my reply to her email. I must say that when we realized who each other was, any doubts I may have had about whether I was in God's absolute perfect will vanished. I love when God confirms things so obviously like this. I tend to desire clear confirmation before proceeding with any major decisions..and thankfully, God has usually been pretty good at giving it to me.

Recently there are some things God has been stirring up in my heart, and, as usual, I have prayed for confirmation regarding them. And, He may, or may not give me that confirmation. But, in the midst of asking Him for it, I have felt like I've heard him say, "I trust you"..Now I don't claim to be any pro at hearing God's voice (blogging my thoughts on this later), but, from experience, I tend to know when it's His voice, because it's usually something I wouldn't dream up,do or hear of my own accord. "Trust ME?!" I, of course, trust God, but why would HE trust me? This was very humbling...and I don't know if that's His way of saying, keep praying and the right decisions will come, or what...but I kinda feel like the child at the baseball game, who's not really playing all that great..in truth, he just got 2 strikes, but his father still shouts out, "That's my son!!!" I know I don't deserve it..but thanks to God's mercy and grace, I believe He does trust me and I pray I do Him proud.

Below is the great article that my friend Gabe Reese wrote (Jan 2006..and my short reply following it):

When God Says Wait
By Gabe Reese
January 9, 2006

So, what are you doing these days? The question gets asked when I happen to see friends that I haven’t seen for years. Their careers are getting established, they are married, some even have children! I give them a bright smile and say “Oh-the same old, same old!” It seems like after all this time, I should have something more exciting to say. It’s not like I’m letting life pass me by—I love my job helping special needs children reach their fullest potential and I am very involved in my home church, but it’s not really where I imagined I would be at this time.

I thought by now I would be on the foreign field as a missionary or an AIMer. I was called to foreign missions at Missouri Teen Camp when I was 12 and experienced my first taste of foreign missions on a Youth on Missions trip to Prague, Czech Republic. Incredible! The desire to work in the foreign field burns in me but the door has yet to open for me to step through. (I’ve tried opening it myself a couple of times but I’ve learned God is better at opening doors than I am.) I know the experience I’m getting here in the home field is valuable preparation for the foreign field. The word spoken to me has been to be ready to go, but also to wait on God’s timing.

But Why God?
Wait—it’s a hard word. Who is delighted at having to stop at a red light or gets excited about waiting in a long line? Waiting is especially hard when you are waiting for a prayer to be answered. We can be assured that our prayer is heard and will be answered, but the timing of the answer is in God’s hands.

Waiting times are trying times. In my own experience of waiting, I have felt many questions about why the wait is so long. Weariness in waiting comes when I see desires fulfilled and prayers answered in the lives of friends. I am sincerely happy for them and rejoice with them, but I admit it makes the waiting harder. I get frustrated with myself when the questions fill my heart and I struggle to keep the vision clear. The enemy has taunted me asking, “Where is your God? What is He doing for you?” Though I grow weary, I remember the words of Isaiah,”The everlasting God…fainteth not, neither is weary…there is no searching of His understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might He increaseth strength… But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength…” (Isaiah 40:28-31).

When I am discouraged and filled with questions, I pour it out before the Lord. David encouraged this, “Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah” (Psalm 62:8). My God has infinite understanding. Pouring out to Him draws me closer to Him. In these times He speaks to me, encourages and strengthens me to continue waiting on Him. I know He is MY God, MY friend, and He is on MY side.

The Key to Waiting
The way to wait on the Lord is worship and the Word. “I wait for the Lord…and in His word do I hope” (Psalm 130:5). Worship takes the focus off of ourselves and places it on our faithful Savior. We see by the examples in His Word that He is faithful and this waiting time is for His higher purpose. David and Joseph experienced waiting times between a calling, a dream, and the fulfillment thereof. Their waiting times were shaping times used to prepare them for the positions God had for them. The Word assures us that those who wait on the Lord will not be ashamed. David wrote, “I waited patiently for the Lord, and He inclined unto me and heard my cry…many shall see it and fear and shall trust in the Lord”(Psalm 40:1,3).

Your waiting time is a testimony of God’s faithfulness. He uses circumstances in our lives to show others He meets us where we are, He will walk with us, and He will keep His promises. Your testimony of answered prayer and fulfilled desire will cause others to fear God and put their trust in Him. Isaiah 55:8-11 is an encouraging text as it tells us God’s word never returns void. It always accomplishes His purpose. The word He spoke to you will come to pass. The vision He gave you for your life will be fulfilled!

“Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord” (Psalm 27:14).

My reply:

Re: “When God Says Wait”
I just want to say thanks to Gabe Reese for writing this article. It’s encouraging to know that there are other people going through the same frustrations as oneself. I wish you all the best, and hope for open doors for you in the near future. Who knows; maybe one day we’ll run into each other overseas. :0) God bless!

 

Order My Steps

It was Fall of '97 I believe, I was 16 and we were in Detroit for the Sr. Bible Quizzing Nationals and the UPCI General Conference. I had only been once, the year before, and ever since then had been looking forward to the next year. The mixture of reasons was great..a chance to spend a whole week with my closest friends, a chance to compete for the last time that year over the well over 500 verses from God's Word we'd memorized, a chance to see the latest crush (who, no doubt, I was probably too shy to talk to anyway), a chance to hear life changing devotion after devotion taught by some of the greatest youth speakers in the world, a chance to see over 10,000 of God's people joined together in one location, and a chance to see and visit the missions booths (still today, one of my favorite things about conference), looking at all the beautiful souvenirs and fellowshipping with some of the greatest people on the planet. Ahhh...General Conference. Quizzing Nationals. As far as I was concerned, it didn't get any better than that.

What I didn't expect was how drastically changed I would be when I returned from this conference...how God would not just speak to me, but speak to me in a way that would effect every decision I would ever make from that point on. That Friday, in the youth day service, God revealed to me His calling for my life. Something I never realized though, until this week, was that He also gave me my "life song" the same night...

The first and only time I have ever heard this song live was that night at the yearly quiz banquet...all the last year quizzers, many of whom I was very close to and knew I might never see again, sang it as a choir. I cried and cried...largely because I was going to miss my friends so much, but also because I realized that I had absolutely no clue what I was supposed to do with what God had showed me earlier that day and it scared me.

Thanks to modern technology, and a mom who recorded them singing it, I learned the song and very often find myself singing it, even now..12 years later. The same day God revealed to me His destiny for my life, was the same day He gave me a song that I would need in surviving it. God works in mysterious ways...apparently this was a Him knowing the "end from the beginning" moment. When I am feeling lost or confused, in prayer, I often find myself singing this song to God...often when I am overwelmed and at a loss for my own words...this is what I say. I hope these lyrics speak to you as they do to me.

Lyrics